I feel like such a different person, and I am in a much better place.
I realised that I was trying too hard, to be someone I am not, and to be fair, I did not really want to be different.
I spent the last few days, doing what I love.
I read, watched movies, listened to loud music while dancing in my kitchen. I even baked.
I also cancelled all the pointless get togethers I was going to have with people, either at mine or at theirs. I had invited them over, just because….just because they were family…just because it was the thing to do… just because that is what one does at christmas time, at festive times…just because I was scared of being alone.
Yet, alone, I had so much fun.
I love to take photos, I love road trips, I love solo travels ( in that way, I can do what I what, when I want. )
I love reading, watching movies, listening to music, running, cooking, baking.
So why waste my time in doing things that drain me, like going out to random get togethers, in loud places, trying to be popular, trying to make friends with everyone, trying to make everyone like me, trying to show that I am like them, trying to keep up with conversations that I do not have a clue what it’s about, or even interested in.
I can survive this, by trying to be myself, and no one else.
I do not know why I wanted to be like everyone else in the first place. I do not even enjoy being in a group. I prefer having 1 to 1 conversations, a 1 to 1 meaningful relationship.
So, if you are like me, take a step back, and find out what you like to do and invest in doing just that.
Be your unique self.